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Domestic Violence
| What Is Domestic Violence | Things To Take When You Leave |
| What A Victim Can Do | Using The Law To Help You |
| Safety For You & Your Family | Where Else To Go For Help |
| Safety At Work | |
| Safety In Public | |
| Safety At Home | Safety At The Courthouse |
| Making Your Children Safer |
What
is Domestic Violence?
It
is one person's use of emotional, physical and/or sexual violence or threat of
violence to get and keep control of an intimate partner.
It affects people from all walks of life, regardless of age, race,
religious beliefs, educational background, income or sexual preference.
The
Cycles Of Violence
In
most domestic violence situations there are three phases. First there is a tension
Building Phase where there is high tension, stress, anger , blaming and
arguing between the victim and abuser. The
explosion occurs during the Battering
Phase, when the actual violence occurs.
The last part of the cycle is the Honeymoon
Phase, where the abuser may deny, minimize, or excuse his actions by
apologizing, promising that it will never happen again, and/or buying gifts.
These techniques are used by abusers to keep their victims confused and
under their control.
What
A Victim Can Do
You
can talk with a friend, neighbor or relative.
You can call a battered women's shelter or program near you.
Most offer telephone counseling, support groups, temporary shelter,
legal information and children's programs.
You
can go to the hospital or doctor to check your injuries. Most hospitals have a social worker on staff who may be able
to help you.
You
can call the police. Arresting an
abuser significantly reduces the chances he will repeat the offense.
If an arrest is made, you should contact the Victim Services Division
of the Attorney General's Office for more information.
Also, you should contact the jail and ask then to notify you when the
abuser is released.
The
judge may order the offender to have either "No Contact" or "No
Violent Contact" with you as a condition of release on bond.
You may get a copy of the bond conditions from the magistrate judge.
If the offender violates the conditions set by the judge, call the DA's
office and 911.
Takes you to the subsection "Using The Law To Help You"
My Ex Is Tracking My Location: How Can I Prevent This? (Consumer-SOS)
Checklist on what to do to keep your location a secret.
The National
Victims Notification Network
This service allows crime victims to obtain timely and reliable information
about criminal cases and the custody status of offenders 24 hours a day. Victims
and other concerned citizens can also register to be notified by phone, email or
TTY device when an offender's custody status changes. Users can also register
through their participating state or county toll-free number.
How To Find Out About Your State's Domestic Violence Laws
Has places to call that will furnish you with this information and other tips on
where to look.
Domestic Violence Victims-How To
Change Your Social Security #
Helping Someone Through Domestic Violence
(Tips & Links)
Back To Top
STAY AWAY FROM THE KITCHEN (the abuser can find weapons, like knives
there). Keep far from wherever guns are kept.
STAY AWAY FROM BATHROOMS, closets or small spaces
where
the abuser can trap you.
GET TO A ROOM WITH A DOOR or window to escape.
CALL 911 (or your local emergency
number) right away for help; get the dispatcher's name.
Think of a
neighbor or friend your can run to for help.
If the police come, tell them what
happened and get the officers' names and badge numbers.
GET MEDICAL HELP if you are hurt.
TAKE PICTURES of bruises or
injuries.
CALL A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PROGRAM OR SHELTER; ask them to help
you make
a safety plan.
For More See Making A Safety Plan
Safety When Preparing To Leave
A. Open
a savings account or credit card in your own name to begin establishing your
independence. Think of other ways
in which you can increase your independence.
B. Get
your own post office box. You can
privately
receive checks and letters to begin your own
Independence.
C. Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies
of important documents, extra
medicine and clothes with someone you trust so you
can leave quickly.
D. Determine who would be able to let you stay with them or
lend you
money.
E. Keep
the shelter or hotline phone number close at hand and keep some change or a
calling
card on you at all times for emergency phone calls.
F. REMEMBER-LEAVING YOUR BATTERER IS THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME.
Review your safety plan as often as possible in order to plan the
safest way to leave your batterer.
For More See Making A Safety Plan
Back To Top
Learn where to
get help; MEMORIZE EMERGENCY PHONE NUMBERS.
KEEP A PHONE in a room you can
lock from the inside; if you can, get a cellular phone that you keep with you
at all times.
If the abuser has moved out,
CHANGE THE LOCKS ON YOUR DOOR; get locks on the windows.
PLAN AN ESCAPE ROUTE out of your
home; teach it to your children.
ASK YOUR NEIGHBORS and landlord to call the police if they see the
abuser at or near your home; make a signal for them to call
the police, for
example, if the phone rings twice, a shade is pulled down or a light is on.
PACK A BAG with important things
you'd need if you had to leave quickly; put it in a safe place, or give it to
a friend or relative
you trust. Include
cash, car keys and important information such as: court papers, passport or
birth certificates, medical records and medicines, immigration papers. (See
Checklist-What You need To Take When
You Leave)
GET AN UNLISTED PHONE NUMBER.
BLOCK CALLER ID.
TAKE A GOOD SELF DEFENSE COURSE.
How An Abuser Can Find out About Your Internet Activities
For More See Making A Safety Plan
Checklist-What You Need To Take When You Leave
IDENTIFICATION
Driver's
license
Children's
birth certificates
Your
birth certificate
Social
Security Card
Welfare
identification
FINANCIAL
Money
and/or credit cards
Bank
books
Check
books
LEGAL
PAPERS
YOUR
RESTRAINING ORDER
Lease,
rental agreement, house deed
Car
registration + insurance papers
Health
+ life insurance papers
Medical
records for you and your children
School
records
Work
permits/Green card/VISA
Passport
Divorce
papers
Custody
papers
OTHER
HOUSE
AND CAR KEYS
Medications
Small
sellable objects
Jewelry
Address
book
Phone
card
Pictures
of you, children + your abuser
Children's
small toys
Toiletries/diapers
Change
of clothes for you and your kids
For More See Making A Safety Plan
Back
To Top
Protecting Yourself While In Public
.
Change your regular travel
habits.
.
Try to get rides with different
people.
.
Shop and bank in a different
place.
.
Cancel any bank accounts or
credit cards you shared; open up new accounts at a different bank.
.
Keep your court order and emergency numbers with you at all times.
.
Keep a cell phone and program it to 911 (or other emergency number).
For More See Making A Safety Plan
Protecting Yourself While At Work
A. Decide
who at work you will inform of your situation.
This should include office or buildingsecurity and your supervisor if
appropriate. If possible, provide
a picture of your batterer.
B. Keep
a copy of your court order at work.
C. Arrange
to have an answering machine, caller ID, or a trusted friend or relative
screen your calls if possible. Save
any voice mail or e-mail messages from your batterer.
D. Don't
go to lunch alone.
E. Devise
a safety plan for when you leave the job.
Have someone escort you to your car, bus, or train and wait with you
until you are safely on your way. Use
a variety of routes to go home by if possible.
Think about what you would do if something happened while going home
(i.e. in your car, on the bus, etc.).
For More See Making A Safety Plan
How To Make Your Children Safer
. TEACH
THEM NOT TO GET IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT, even if they want to help.
. TEACH
THEM HOW TO GET TO SAFETY, to call 911, to give your address and phone number
to the police.
.
TELL THEM TO STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
.
GIVE THE PRINCIPAL AT THE SCHOOL OR DAY CARE CENTER A COPY OF YOUR
COURT ORDER, tell them not to release your children to
anyone without talking
to you first; use a password so they can be sure it is you on the phone.
Give them a photo of the abuser.
.
MAKE SURE THE SCHOOL KNOWS NOT TO GIVE YOUR ADDRESS OR PHONE NUMBER TO
ANYONE.
How To Find Out About Your
State's Domestic Violence Laws
Has places to call that will furnish you with this information and other tips on
where to look.
Other Criminal Matters
(Consumer-SOS)
Federal Laws That
Protect Battered Women
What Is An Order For Protection
Basic information about Orders of Protection for both the defendant/respondent and the victim/petitioner.
Anti-Stalking Laws & Protection
(Consumer-SOS)
Summary Of Victims
Rights Throughout The US
Charts and summaries in all states relating to the
Rights for Crime Victims, Right to Notice, Right to Protection
Right to Confer with Prosecutor, Prompt Return of Property,
Payment for Forensic Exams, HIV Testing of Sex Offenders
Right to Be Heard, Right to Attend the Trial, Right to Restitution, The Right to Privacy, and Victims' Rights at Juvenile Level.
Protection Or Restraining Orders
A. Ask
your local domestic violence program who can help you get a civil protection
order and who can help you with criminal prosecution.
B. Ask
for help in finding a lawyer.
In Most Places, The Judge Can:
.
ORDER
THE ABUSER TO STAY AWAY from you or your children.
. ORDER
THE ABUSER TO LEAVE YOUR HOME.
.
GIVE YOU TEMPORARY CUSTODY of your children and order the abuser to pay
you temporary child support.
. ORDER
THE POLICE TO COME TO YOUR HOME while the abuser picks up personal belongings.
.
GIVE YOU POSSESSION OF THE CAR, furniture and other belongings.
. ORDER
THE ABUSER TO GO TO A BATTERERS INTERVENTION PROGRAM.
. ORDER
THE ABUSER NOT TO CALL YOU AT WORK.
. ORDER
THE ABUSER TO GIVE ALL GUNS TO THE POLICE.
If
you are worried about any of the following, make sure you:
A. SHOW
THE JUDGE ANY PICTURES of your injuries.
B. TELL
THE JUDGE YOU DO NOT FEEL SAFE if the abuser comes to your home to pick up the
children to visit with them.
C. ASK
THE JUDGE TO ORDER THE ABUSER TO PICK UP AND RETURN THE CHILDREN AT THE POLICE
STATION OR SOME OTHER SAFE PLACE.
D. Ask
that any VISITS THE ABUSER IS PERMITTED ARE AT VERY SPECIFIC TIMES so the
police will know by reading the court order that the abuser is there at the
wrong time.
E. TELL
THE JUDGE IF THE ABUSER HAS HARMED OR THREATENED the children; ask that visits
be supervised; think about who could do that for you.
F. GET
A CERTIFIED COPY of the court order.
G. KEEP
THE COURT ORDER WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES.
Criminal
Matters
How To Find Out About Your State's Domestic Violence Laws
Has places to call that will furnish you with this information and other tips on
where to look.
Federal Laws That
Protect Battered Women
Criminal Justice Divisions/ Attorney General's (All 50 States)
Anti-Stalking Laws & Protection
(Consumer-SOS)
What To Do In Criminal
Proceedings
SHOW the prosecutor your COURT ORDERS.
TELL THE PROSECUTOR THE NAMES OF ANYONE WHO IS HELPING YOU (a victim
advocate or lawyer).
Tell the prosecutor about ANY WITNESS to injuries or abuse.
(Witnesses can include neighbors who heard the incident but did not see
it).
ASK THE PROSECUTOR TO NOTIFY YOU AHEAD OF TIME IF THE ABUSER IS GETTING OUT OF JAIL.
Protecting Yourself At The Court House
A. SIT
AS FAR AWAY FROM THE ABUSER as you can; you don't have to look or talk to the
abuser; you don't have to talk to the abuser's family or friends if they are
there.
B. BRING
A FRIEND OR RELATIVE with you to wait until your case is heard.
C. TELL
A BAILIFF OR SHERIFF THAT YOU ARE AFRAID of the abuser and ask him/her to look
out for you.
D. Make
sure you HAVE YOUR COURT ORDER BEFORE YOU LEAVE.
E. Ask
the judge to KEEP THE ABUSER THERE for a while when court is over.
Leave quickly.
F. If
you think the abuser is following you when you leave, immediately call the
police.
G. IF
YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL TO ANOTHER STATE FOR WORK OR TO ESCAPE THE ABUSER, TAKE
YOUR PROTECTION ORDER WITH YOU, IT IS VALID EVERYWHERE.
Where Else To Go For Help
Hotlines, Shelters & More
| Your State | Other States (Scroll Down) |
Victim Assistance & Compensation (All 50 States & DC)
This list of shelters either accepts pets or
can find a place for your pet so you don't leave them with your abuser.
United Way Help
Line ( All 50 States, DC & Puerto Rico)
Choose
your state, select your city, and look up help agencies galore!!!
Their stellar search engine can lead you to any social service topic you can
think of. Just type in the
words "Domestic violence" or "Battered Women" or
"Children and Abuse", etc.
Asian & Pacific Islander Institute On Domestic Violence
Links To Asian Help Groups.
Help
For Battered Women Immigrants (All
50 States & DC)
Criminal
Justice Divisions/ Attorney General's (All 50 States)
AT&T
Language Link (800) 528-5888
Provides interpreters in 100 languages.
This list of shelters either accepts pets or can find
a place for your pet so you don't leave them with your abuser.
On-site housing and Off-site
Housing for people and pets who need a safe escape from domestic violence.
Safe Havens Animal Welfare Institute
Search For Safe Havens For Pets
Of DV Victims Near You.
Sheltering Animals and Families Together (Scroll down to your state)
| California | South Carolina |
| Michigan | Texas |
| Minnesota | All 50 States |
| New York |
Criminal Justice Divisions/ Attorney General's (All 50 States)
Asian &
Pacific Islander Institute On Domestic Violence
Links To Asian Help Groups Throughout The United States.
FamilyViolence Prevention Fund (415) 252-8900
San Francisco. e-mail: leni@fvpf.org
For More In Your State, See All 50 States
Michigan
Domestic
Violence Handbook
Learn about the cycles of violence, safety plans and where to get help. Michigan
based help orgs but information for everybody.
Criminal
Justice Divisions/ Attorney General's (All 50 States)
Criminal Justice Divisions/ Attorney General's (All 50 States)
Perspectives
Inc. (612) 926-2600 or (612) 926-9847
Domestic
violence agency helps with shelter, counseling, prevention/intervention
and recovery programs for alcohol and drug
abuse. They publish a 50 page booklet called Striving
To Be Violence Free...A Guidebook for Creating A Safety Plan. This book
contains several checklists that help battered
women who still live with their abusers explore options
and make sound choices. To order
the guidebook, send $4.00 to Perspectives
Inc., 3381 Gorham Ave., St. Louis Park, Minn.
55426 (Attn. Guidebook). Include
your name and address clearly printed on the address label, 3 by 5 card or sheet
of paper.
Allow four to five weeks for delivery.
Note: You may want it send to a friends house to avoid a confrontation with
the abuser.
For More In Your State, See All 50 States
New York
Aggravated Battered Women Fact Sheet
Criminal Justice Divisions/ Attorney General's (All 50 States)
Safe
Harbor (Greenville) (864) 467-3636
Open 24 hours and accepts collect calls too.
Shelter that offers variety of different counseling and referral services
free of charge.
The
Helpline (Greenville) (864) 467-3300
Referral service for agencies that can help.
Greenville
County Solicitor's Office (864) 467-8647
(864)
467-5904
For a protection order free of charge and without an attorney.
Family
Counseling Center (Greenville) (800) 203-9692
Counseling
for domestic violence
Compass
Of Carolina (Family Violence Intervention)
Counsels the whole family. Fees likely based on sliding scale.
Christian
Counseling In SC
Pastoral
Counseling (Greenville) (864) 232-1824
Contact: Dr. John Miller
Buncombe
Street Pastoral Counseling Center (864) 235-6011(Greenville)
Provides individual counseling to people with a variety of personal problems.
Criminal Justice Divisions/ Attorney General's (All 50 States)
Dept.
Of Protective & Regulatory Services (800) 252-5400
For
immediate assistance or 24 hour-a-day shelter information.
Texas
Council On Family Violence (512) 794-1133
Call them for a directory of Texas shelters for battered women.
Asian
& Pacific Islander Institute On Domestic Violence
Links To Asian Help Groups Throughout The United States.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-7233National,
State and International Domestic Violence Help Groups
Scroll down to desired locality.
State By
State Domestic Violence Help
Crime
Victim Compensation Directory (All 50 States & DC)
Federal and state funding to help victims of felonies and misdemeanors.
Victim
Services By State, Territory, Or Possession (All US)
Click on the map for a listing of direct service programs and other referrals in
your state.
Where
Federal Employees Can Find DV Help
Victims' Rights Sourcebook
Asian &
Pacific Islander Institute On Domestic Violence
Links To Asian Help Groups Throughout The United States.
Help
For Battered Women Immigrants (All
50 States & DC)
Directory Of Women's Groups
By Subject & State (All 50 States & DC)
Use their search engine to locate over 9000 feminists groups and help agencies.
United
Way Help Line (All 50 States, DC & Puerto Rico)
Choose your state, select your city, and look up help agencies galore!!! Their
stellar search engine can lead you to any social service topic you can think of. Just type in the
words "Domestic violence" or "Battered Women" or
"Children and Abuse", etc.
What
You Can Do If You're A Victim Of a Crime (Help #s, no links)
Scroll Down for lots of Toll-Free Help #s.
Stalking-Your Rights & Resources
Where
To Write For Vital Records (50 States & DC)
For birth, death and marriage certificates, divorce papers and more.
Battered Women Justice Project
Center
For Women's Global Leadership
Their focus is on policy at the UN level, advocacy campaigns and human rights
development. They also can refer you to domestic violence groups throughout the
U.S.
AT&T
Language Link (800) 528-5888
Provides interpreters in 100 languages. Services
charge per minute and you must pay by credit card.
(Brussels)
Open Deur 32 2 513-0108
e-mail: opendeur@misc.irisnet.be
Centre de Prevention des Violences Conjugales
Pag-Asa VZW 32 2 511-6464
St. Kristoffelsstraat 31, B-1000 Brussels.
Shelter, counseling, legal assistance, crisis support, information.
Prevents domestic violence and trafficking in women.
Nederlandstadlige Vrouwenraad/
Mobility International
32 2 201-5608 e-mail: mobint@arcadis.beAssistant social aupres de
Women
& Development in Europe 011 322-545-9070
Fax 011 3225127342
Amnesty
International 011-322-538-8177
fax 011-322-537-3729
See All 50 States
Match
International Center (613) 238-1312
(Ottawa,
Ontario) e-mail: matchint@web.apc.org
For More Help See International
National,
State & International Domestic Violence Help Groups
Scroll down to desired locality.
WAVE
Austrian Women's Shelter Network Information Center Against Violence Against
Women
43-1-548-2720
e-mail wave@xpoint.at
WAVE is a European network of organizations serving battered women.
Their website has the names and numbers of women's help groups throughout
Europe.
Womens Rights Network (781) 283-2548
International women's civil rights group focusing on domestic violence and
sexual abuse. Their database can direct you to help agencies anywhere in the
world.
International Center For Research On Women(202)797-0007
e-mail: icrw@igc.apc.org OR
richard@icrw.org
Women, Law and Development International (202) 463-7477
UNIFEM (United Nations Development Fund For Women)
International Women's Tribune Center (212) 687-8633
e-mail: iwtc@igc.apc.org
Equality Now (212) 586-0906
e-mail: equalitynow@igc.apc.org
Sisterhood Is Global Institute (301) 657-4355
e-mail: signi@igc.apc.org
Offers human right education workshops in the middle east and Central Asia.
They have connections to help agencies in Azerbaijan, India, Pakistan,
Jordan, Lebanon, Syria, Egypt and beyond.
Match International Center (613) 238-1312
(Ottawa, Ontario Canada) e-mail:
matchint@web.apc.org