We've all talked with a close friend for hours and lost track of the time. 
Time didn't matter to us because we were equally free to respond, change the subject or just get off the phone. And so our conversation flowed and no one was hurt or angry.

But even one minute with an over talker can seem like an eternity.  The reason is because
we're very conscious of our time whenever the conversation is one sided, or whenever we feel our needs or opinions are being ignored.  So if the conversation has no give and take, you can bet there's over talking.

The Signs of a Good Conversation
A good conversation has give and take.  It involves both people talking, both
people listening and both people responding.  Everyone feels included.  And everyone
can get a word in, or change the subject, or even choose to end the conversation.  For any reason.   

Both sides get something out of it.  And because there's mutual respect, the conversation can
last for hours. No one leaves upset and no one feels violated. 

Back To Over Talkers

• When Talking, Stay Alert for A Sign That Your Listener Is Losing Interest: eyes wandering more than 1/3 of the time (or the opposite, staring frozen at you), finger or toe tapping, frequently interrupting you, a body position that suggests the person is trying to get away from you, frequently saying “uh-huh” as if urging you to get on with it.
   
• After 30 To 60 Seconds, Stop Talking. Ask a question that engages the person, or ask what they think about what you’ve said. Then listen to where they are going with it and wait until they’ve expressed themselves. Do not interrupt. Then respond. You should do no more than 60 percent of the total talking.
   
• If You're Saying Something That Requires More Than A Minute, Break It Up Into Segments, and after each segment, ask something like, “What do you think of that?” or  “Am I being clear? Really?” The “really” is important because it lets the listener know that your request is not gratuitous: You really want their thoughts or comments.
   
• Show Them You're Listening. Maintain eye contact. Nod and restate key points to indicate you're tracking them. This may also lead to other interesting conversations. Ones where both people are participating.
   
• Find Someone Who’s A Good Listener And Do What They Do. And note the ways he/she shows they’re listening to you. Do likewise with others.
   
• Listen To What’s Said Behind the Words So You Can Respond Better. Aside from their factual statements, is there something else being said?  For example, from their tone, do they want to go now? Are they happy, angry or uncomfortable about something? Maybe, such as with close friends, it’s the issues behind the words that need talking about. Respond accordingly.
   
• Allow For Periods Of Silence. Count To Twenty During Conversation Gaps So The Other Person Has A Chance To Resume. It may feel awkward, but give the other person some breathing space. It also permits them to reflect on what was said or to steer the conversation elsewhere. In that way, they too can be a part of the conversation.
   
• After A Few Minutes, See If You Can Recall A Few Points Of What The Other Person Has said.  If you can’t, it may be because you are monopolizing the conversation. The better listener you become, the more you'll remember. Ask the Lord for a true desire to listen and for a real interest in what the person is saying.

• Get so lost in your own point that you ignore the signs of your listener losing interest.
   
• Try all at once to spill out whatever is on your mind-Remember the 30 second rule.
   
• Devote most of your mental energies on what you will say next (LISTEN!).
   
• Interrupt.
   
• Find excuses to stay on the phone when the other person wants to go.
   
• Demand to know why the other person must get off the phone. (They'll dread
  ever talking to you again).
   

• Look at the person who’s speaking.
• Question the speaker to clarify what’s being said.
• Repeat some of the things the speaker says.
• Pay close attention to what the speaker is saying.
• Don’t interrupt the speaker.
• Don’t change the subject until the speaker has finished his or her thoughts.
• Stop talking after a minute to see if the other person is bored, distracted or lost.

• Enjoy Their Conversation. But Set A Time Limit.  Immediately at the start, say you can only talk for ten minutes. Do this as soon as you know who it is. If you don't, it gets much tougher later on. Half way through, remind them you must go in 5 minutes. Once their time is up, in an apologetic voice say. "Sorry, but as I said, I have to go. We'll have to catch up at church/at Tuesday's meeting/at the party... Bye." If the caller asks why you have to go, repeat slightly more firmly. "I have to go. Bye." Then hang up. (Why you have to go is your own business. They must respect your right to end the conversation).
   
• Seize the Pause. For those who take a pause, immediately use it to disengage. See the tips below.
   
• Paraphrase and Summarize To Keep Phone Calls On Track.
  If you're speaking to someone on the phone who seems to want to chat or stray from the point, say something such as, "So what I hear you saying is..." or "So the key points are..." or "Is (insert summary) a fair summary of what you were saying?" Don't be chatty. Just keep them focused and then end the call.
   
• Steer The Caller To Emailing You Or Calling At Another Time More Convenient. Or Direct Them To Another Associate.
  After 5 minutes tell your caller "Susan, I got a lot of things going on but we should talk further on this. Why not email me or my associate Jon with the things we didn't cover and we'll touch base soon after that." Or give your caller a better time to call. "Our weekly conference call is coming up this Wednesday, let's discuss it then with the group. Talk to you soon. Bye."
   
• Avoid Talking When The Caller Is Just Killing Time.  People will often talk longer (and pay less attention to your boundaries) during commuting times such as when they're on the train or stuck in traffic, when they're doing some mundane task like shopping, washing dishes or folding laundry. The worst is when they're just burning extra cell phone minutes. Often you can get an idea when the caller has this free time. For example: The friend who calls only during rush hour or late on Sunday nights. Screen your calls and return them later at a time best for you.
   
• Close Each Inbound Phone Call with a Summary of Whatever Action You and the Caller Have Agreed to Take.
  While this will only take seconds in most cases, it can save you a lot of time by avoiding errors and the need to double-check. For instance, after a conversation during which you arranged a meeting with a client, you might say, "Good. I'll meet with you at your office at (insert location) at 10 a.m. tomorrow and we'll go over the samples together."
   
• Give The Caller Obvious Cues That The Conversation Is About To End.  On the phone, you can’t depend on visual hints so, you’ll just have to be more verbal. Explain you have to go now, have errands to do, or don’t like being on the phone this long etc. For some, you can just stop responding and give one word answers to let them know your interest in waning. With others the cues need to be more obvious.
  
  Do not lie to get off the phone. Use completely honest reasons that you cannot talk longer.
  
  "I have other calls to make/Other Appointments/I've got to get these other documents out..."
  "I need to go."
  "I need to use the bathroom."
  "Let's talk sometime soon, take care/goodbye."
  "It was wonderful talking, and..."
  "I talked way too long yesterday."
  "I am way behind on laundry."
  "I need to study."
  "I need some quiet time."
  "I need to get ready for my big day."
  "I'm walking the dog."
  "I need to exercise."
  "My ear hurts."
  "Someone else wants to use the phone."
   
• Return Their Calls Only When You Or They Will Have To Go Shortly. For example: Call ten minutes before their favorite TV show, or within ten minutes of when you or they have to pick up the kids, eat dinner, go to work, etc. Screen your calls and return them at a more convenient time.
   
• For Heavy Overtalkers: Break Their Momentum And Take The Conversation To A Close.  Don't wait for them to take a breath. With severe overtalkers it may never happen.  Interrupt with “Excuse me I have to put you on hold for a minute.” Count to twenty or thirty. Rearrange your desk, stretch your arms, or walk out in the hall. But when you return, make sure you're the first one to talk. Immediately seize control of the conversation without taking a breath or asking if they’re on the line. One way to do this is to summarize the problem or course of action. For example “Hi John, so I understand you really need to talk to an attorney. Here's what I suggest....Well I have to go now but his number is 678-587-9228. We’ll talk later. Bye." Or "Hi John. Look, now is a bad time. I have to go but we’ll talk later. Good-bye."
  
  For those who really go on and on. Interrupt by saying their name a few times. Example: "John, John, John are you there? We’ll have to take this up a little later. I have to go now/don’t like being on the phone this long/have errands to do, We'll catch up on things later. Talk to you soon."
   
• Meet The Caller In Person.  If they like to linger, sandwich them into a schedule where they can only stay for a short time.  Many over talkers are likeable, good people.  Don't miss out on their company.  Just set limits so you can enjoy being with them.
   

• Show Them You're Too Busy To Talk. For example. Say “I can only talk for a few minutes.” Or "I’m really busy now can we talk a little later." Or let them know exactly what they're interrupting. Example: “I was just going over the numbers for next year’s budget. But if this critical, I can give you a few minutes.” Or “Do you mind if I continue typing as I really have work to do." You may also put a sticky note on your computer, your door or cubical that says "Project Due/Far Behind/Can't Talk Unless Urgent." If the person engages you anyway, refer to the sticky note/explain you have a deadline and tell them "I'd like to hear more but we'll just have to take it up later."
  
  Or Try the touch 'n' talk technique: If somebody comes up and talks at your desk for an hour, calm them down by touching their hand, and quietly say in a kind of whisper, `If I don't get back to work, I'm going to be here late.' That way you've said you're great, but I've got to get back to work. They won't feel insulted. It's when we say things like "Could you just shut up!" we have trouble.'
   

• Break Contact. Now is the time to tell them you need to get coffee, return the file, go to the bathroom, get more food at the buffet, etc. Make sure you physically move away and distance yourself while you're talking. Don’t let them re-engage you with something they forgot to say and certainly don’t ask for more details. Leave.
  
  For extreme over talkers: In one fluid motion, practice moving away from them while speaking, all without taking a breath, so they can’t get a word in edgewise.

  Example: As you rise from your chair and turn away from them, say “Well, I’ve got to return the file/go to the bathroom/make a photocopy." Smile as you take two steps back and head for the door. If they're still there when you return, immediately open up the door for them to leave and say, "It was great to see you again. We'll talk soon. Bye."
  
  For People Who Linger In Your Office Or Cubical
  When your drop-in visitors won’t leave, move over talkers toward the door by standing and walking out with them. Some people recommend uncomfortable chairs. Consider even removing your chairs.

• Eager beaver. This person is always first, making it difficult for others to respond. “Thanks for getting the ball rolling Kim. Does anyone have anything to add to that?”
• Expert. This person challenges your authority and argues with others. “Jim thinks our marketing plan has some major drawbacks. Does anyone have a different opinion?”
• Rambler. You ask this person for the time, and you get the history of watch making. “Joan’s given us a good example of what an irate customer might say. Now let’s discuss the best way to handle this type of situation.”
• Dominator. This person can intimidate the group. “Does anyone other than Jerry have a comment?”